Because I have an excuse.

I was thinking in the shower (I'm still in my towel [try not to picture me naked :)]) about this whole vendor issue on the The Knot. Not only is the entire situation utterly unfair and ridiculously sided, but it's down right, well, ridiculous. So, because I have an excuse to be snarky on a rather regular basis, here is my letter to vendors.

Warning:: This letter is not directed to any particular vendor, nor is it meant to cause harm to their business. Rather it is a suggestion from a bride who is investing a large sum of money into the day of her dreams and expects nothing but the upmost respect from ALL vendors.



Dear Vendors,

Take this as a bit of advice. Stay off The Knot. Good Lord Sweet Baby Jesus, if you know what is good for you and your business stay off The Knot.

If it happens that your fingers find their way to your address box on Safari (or FireFox) and they type in WWW.TheKnot.COM, run away from the computer. If you need, cut off your forsaken fingers and leave them the F behind. They can't type without your nuts for brains.

Here's another thought: ALL brides are entitled to an opinion, whether is good or bad. DEAL WITH IT. That's business numbnut. You'll get over it. I work in the most customer service geared position known to man, and trust me, I GET IT. When a bride comes screaming to you because her roses are the wrong shade of peach, it's annoying - but guess what, IT'S YOUR JOB. Make her happy and move on. Apologize. Don't go on the a public message board and badmouth her. Hello. Worst marketing ever. My 10 year old niece has better marketing for her lemonade stand in the middle of summer than you do for your expensive wedding vendor business. There are 35+ brides on the South Florida board, all potential clients - times that by the average of $3000. Can't do math? Oh, I'm sorry - that's $105,000 that you just lost out on. Aw shucks.

So, next time you click "Local Boards," think twice about actually posting. Because we have no shame in calling you out, defending our friend and keeping our money - that equals roughly $100,000.

Dumbass.


Always,

Menopausal Bride.