Moms the word.

My fight with endometriosis has been a long and tiring road. I've had three surgeries, countless painful procedures and survived three months of a medical/chemically induced menopause on a drug that is being recalled. What follows next is simply a miracle.

We're pregnant. Absolutely, unequivocally, beyond any doubt pregnant.



Enter me shaking, crying and sitting on the toilet with four tests in pure disbelief. We consider ourselves so incredibly lucky to have been blessed with this after such a hard fight. We are even more thrilled that this came as a surprise. Life hold such amazing twists and turns!

My little miracle is on their way :) We'll be heading to our first prenatal appointment tomorrow! In the meantime, if you are reading this, mums the word, please!

From two to three. Eventually.

Excitement has officially gotten the best of us. I'm off all meds :) No lupron, no pill, no nada. We're flying by on 'if it happens it happens!' Truth be told - we're scared shitless. :) If nothing happens by April/May, we'll start charting and trying more aggressively. In the mean time I'm going to change around our diet to prepare. I've set up a no-no food list and put us on horse-pill sized multi & prenatal vitamins.

For those that are looking or are trying to conceive, here are five foods that may enhance fertility: Yams, nuts and seeds - mainly pumpkin, walnuts & almonds, berries, oysters, and cruciferous veggies (aka veggies that make you fart - broccoli, cabbage & cauliflower.)

It's hard to believe that we've officially begun to journey from two to three.

Baby Blues

I'm fairly sure that the majority of girls my age cringe at the thought of babies. They hear other girls gushing about their pregnancies and mumble, "Not me!" excitedly under their breath. But I'm not the norm. Actually - I don't think I ever have been (define 'normal', anyway). Reality is - and this takes A LOT for me to say - I'm jealous. Jealous of pregnant women, jealous of girls my age with kids and pissed off at whatever higher being is making me feel this way.

Recently my FI and I found out a good friend of his and his wife are expecting. Through my gritted teeth congrats and fake smile, my heart had dropped to my knees. It had dropped so hard, in fact, that FI looked at me and said, "are you ok?" Oh, fuck yeah! I'm just peachy keen, babe! Isn't this just WONDERFUL news? The word baby just gives me those warm fuzzy feelings and I want to vomit puppies and rainbows! Can you sense the sarcasm or do I have to really lay it out on the table for ya? No, really - I'm happy for them. Don't get me wrong. I swear, I am. I'm ridiculously happy for anyone I know that has a child, is expecting or has just had a baby. But reality bites and that bite usually stings.

FI and I are hoping for a positive ASAP - but we know the road is going to be long and hard. I highly doubt that we'll hit a home run our first time out in the field (despite FI swearing his super sperm are freaks of nature [I'm still debating if this is a positive or negative or if I'm just marrying a weirdo?]), but we are ready. We've talked about the possibilities of it taking months, the high high risk of miscarriage and the probability of my ass being on bedrest. These converstations suck but they are the truth and it's ok and GOOD to realize what may (hopefully maybe NOT) happen, right?

Regardless, the outcome off all these is one thing: new life. No matter how much it stings now, I keep the pay off in mind. It'll be an amazing, morning sickness & craving filled time... but it'll be OUR time. So, until then - let the baby blues rule :) It's by far the most humbling experience ... because not all of us have the ability to procreate and experience the most precious gift of all.

A book a day keeps the stupid away

I used to be a reader. I also used to be a writer. The summer I turned 13 I read 12 books. 12 books in two months. My reading comprehesion skills usually far out-weighed those of other kids in my class. Though, my math skills were farrrrrrr from outstanding. :x Regardless, I loved words. The ability to sit down with a book and totally lose myself. The sad part? I haven't read a book in months. Not since my birthday last May when I read A Thousand Splendid Suns in five hours. In an attempt to start reading again, I've put togethet a list of books. A book a day used to be the norm for me, but since planning the wedding and everything else that's going in my life, I've set back to a book a month.

My list of reads in no particular order:

Three Cups of Tea
Greg Mortenson
David Oliver Relin

The Man You'll May
Debbie Macomber

Push
Sapphire

Time Travelers Wife
Audrey Niffenegger

The Kite Runner
Khaled Hosseini

The Wednesday Sisters

Committed
Elizabeth Gilbery

Have a Little Faith
Mitch Albom

Also - I'm going to FINALLY read Jodi Picoult! I think I may start with Committed? Although ... I already have the Time Travelers Wife and The Wednesday Sisters on my book shelf :) Tonight beings the reading!!!!!

Going to blog hell

Why you ask? Because I haven't blogged in MONTHS. Months. Badddddd bride.

I probably need to change the name of this blog, huh? Technically I'm not menopausal anymore. My three months Lupron anniversary was January 2nd, which was an amazing way to start off the new year. Fresh & menopause free. Crappy part is that my symptoms from the shot are linger like something wicked. Not only do I have hotflashes bad enough that I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust, but if I even look at food I get sick. Not that I'm *totally* complaining, but really? Do I need to feel like I was just on an episode of Man (in this case Woman) vs Food every.single.night? Silver lining? I'm down 20lbs. TWENTY POUNDS!

ALAS. I come with updates - both Endo and wedding related: While the pain from my Endo is back with the force of an adhesion like Jedi, Fiance and I came up with a game plan. ::puts black ink under eyes:: TTC! Shush. This is top secret. Like manila envelope, don't push the red button top secret. (And yet I'm writing it on my blog? Go me.) I'm on a major round of estrogen and progesterone to bring back the non-existent cycle. This time everything will be different. We will get the biggest, fattest positive ever. I know it. I feel it. Bring on April, biitches!

In other news, I found a dress & she is magnifique! My mommy cried. I loved it. There was a big group hug at the end. No, not really. But here's to hoping that SOB fits when I'm four months pregnant!



P.s. Hi Taylor :D